Friday, July 3, 2009
She woke up, their conversation a far thought from her memory, barely even comprehensible at this juncture. She finds herself in a daze, its power is undeniable, and alien, what was it? She makes for the other side of the bed… cold… It dawns on her—what she said, what he said, that which didn’t need to be said. Only hours had separated conversations of a future, and the actualization of the end.
Was this it? Was this the relief she sought so desperately. She had been consumed with fear. Had she been with him purely for the comfort and security or was there something deeper there? This had always been the argument with every guy, but he was different, the whole situation was different. If it was really just comfort she craved, Marc was only a call away, but there was a reason she had left Marc as well. This time was different though, she had fought so hard to preserve the relationship, but he kept pushing her away, whether he knew it or not…and that was it. He kept pushing HER away; there WASN’T any reason for her to wait, to see if it was ever going to change.
Though this realization felt freeing, it was in knowing that this entire situation was so new to her that she still couldn’t shake the feeling. She had always battled with the thought of why she was with him, and just as quick as she realized that he had been pushing her away, and just as freeing as that may have been to understand, she began to understand that she loved him, something she had never planned for.