Friday, July 3, 2009

It’s Not Over Yet

“I'll live for you… I'd die for you… Do what you want me to… I'll cry for you, my tears will show, that I can't let you go.”

She looked into his eyes, they were gleaming from the tears that had begun to pool up, she didn’t know what to say, she didn’t know how to respond. She had seen him upset before, and yes she had even see him break down to the point of tears, but there was something different this time. With each word he said, she could see his heart breaking a little further. It was an eerie transition, she had always been the one unable to speak, made immobile by rushes of emotion… She brushed his cheek wiping away the tears, trying to care for this man she loved so much. As her hand brushed alongside his face she felt warmth that only he had been able to create in him. She turns to him and says, “it’s not over, it’s not over yet…”

“You still want me don’t you?”
“I do, but I don’t want this, I don’t want an us, and I don’t know how to explain that I want you but not us. Yes it’s a bit of a ridiculous statement to make, as it honestly makes little sense, but I love you, I do… I… I just can’t…”
“You can’t do this anymore.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry for causing you the pain I have, for not being that person you saw when you looked at me, for… for not trying as hard as I should have.”
“You shouldn’t feel forced to try, that’s the problem. This has begun to feel forced, it’s begun to feel like work, and it should never feel like that. We’re too young to feel like these relationships are work, and I’m too tired.”
“I never felt forced, I never felt as if I was doing something I shouldn’t be. I felt comfortable to be in my own skin with you, I felt like nothing I did would matter, as long as at the end of the day I could make you happy, but I guess I haven’t done my job.”

She looks at him, not certain as how to respond, what could she say? “No you haven’t done your job, dick!” Unfortunately she didn’t have it in her to be that upfront, and honestly she hadn’t come to any semblance of a conclusion showing him inept of doing his “job;” but still she had nothing to say.

“Your silence has always been enough of a response.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m sure you are, I just don’t know if it’s as much as me, and honestly, that’s likely the way this is supposed to be… I’ve put you through more than anyone should have to deal with, and you know what darlin’ you made it through with flying colors. I have all the faith in the world in you, and I have as much love as I could ever give anyone else… all for you. “

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