Sunday, March 7, 2010

Expo 86

I rolled the windows down, the streaming stars began to fall into each, hanging like one big lamp flickering before it burns out. This thought brought me back to understanding my place in the world. It hadn’t mattered what the difference between the shooting stars and the satellites may have been, they were both out of reach. The world began to drift off in that moment, none of it mattered.

She sat comfortably in the driving seat. It was oddly empowering to see her there, she’d begun to rely on me for direction, and this wasn’t limited to being behind the wheel. I was the navigator, I had been here before, and though I didn’t think I would make the return trip as quickly as I had, we can’t always plan for these things.

I let my mind drift into another world; I took a breath and began to realize how much I wanted her to be in control. If only for a moment, if only for a day—to her I’d relinquish for as long as I wasn’t overstaying my welcome. Could I overstay my welcome? I feel like if that was ever a legitimate fear, it’s one that would have had created an uncomfortable situation many times over already. Perhaps that’s just who we were with one another; we developed a need for each other. One in which we both required the consent of the other to feel happy.

I wouldn’t have thought that, had she not brought it up time and time again.

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