Monday, June 14, 2010
The pain was overpowering, every moment of every day was a chore to get through, each breath brought with it a stinging pain of realization—she was gone, and likely never to return. His life was falling to shambles, and there was little he could do to find comfort and quiet his thoughts. Little by little he slipped deeper and deeper into a proverbial lake of fire, the only acknowledgement of his existence came from this undeniable pain, aside from this he was dead to the world, he was dead to himself, and he was dead to her. Slowly the light was beginning to leave from his eyes, the joy and excitement that kept him apart from all the rest was slipping further and further from its host; his only ability to cling on to some sense of reality was to find whatever outlet that was strong enough to let him feel—feel anything, if even for just the moment.
In these moments of synthetic heartbeats he was able to see some small sense of hope and salvation, soon enough the time would pass, and he too could crawl out from the rock he now found himself under. Until then each day was a new war, the only sign of victory could be found in repeating the process upon the next sunrise, until then it was anyone’s guess whether or not he was going to make it. He knew she was going through similar heartbreak, but it made no difference to him, his pain was much more poignant than hers ever could be… at least this is how he rationalized it. It was something different to him—he wanted to fight through the wall which stopped them, he didn’t want to give up, he understood the grandeur of their relationship, and though she said she did as well, her actions would never suggest as such.
Little by little he did enough to subdue the anguish that seemed to plague his existence. Comforted by the times he made it through before, he knew that the pain was only temporary, but each time, his walls closed in, and his ground gave beneath him, all he had to look forward to was falling deeper and deeper into his own remorse.