Monday, June 14, 2010
Boarding the flight I could only think of the fear that had been slowly creeping into my spirit…what was I doing, is this for the best, or is this just to hold off the flooding waters if only for awhile. No longer can I let my life be controlled by my inability to find what I want; no longer can I be a victim to a world that only pushes for destruction and humiliation. The time came for me to move on, and though it has been one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to made, I’ve made it, and hopefully it’ll put me back on that track I got off of so long ago.
I know I’m not the best person, but that doesn’t make me the worst. I’m trying to learn the proper actions and steps needed to survive just like everyone else, and damn him if he thinks that it’s only a selfish act—I know I would understand if the situation was reversed…at least I hope I would. I’ve been torn down, and humiliated, I’ve been made into something I never wanted to be, and though I never had the strength I always desired, this is a way for me to reclaim what I’ve lost, I shall stand strong, I shall not waver, I shall hold steady like pillars made of stone, and as the wind threatens to blow me down, I will meet it straight on and let it pass through me to the great beyond. Once I dreamt about becoming the great model of my spirit, and though that was taken from me, I gave it up freely. It’s a hard fact to accept, and it’s even harder to say, but now that I know where to rebuild from, and it's a starting point, something which is more than most have.
I know I’ll leave and everything will change, but it’s not that it hasn’t already, so what is it that I’m really leaving behind? Nothing more than the pain and constant alienating circumstances that have done enough to bruise my soul. I may disappear, then again I may never come back, but if there is time for my return, I will be someone different, someone stronger, I will be the greater representation of all that I could be.