Lion in a Coma

They found themselves lost in some back part of the camp. There were no landmarks they could recognize to take them back, and unfortunately everyone had left. Jason still passed out on the ground wearing nothing but a black sock, his tighty whities and what appeared to be a novel written in sharpie along the length of his body. Chris and Mark looked at each other, the other hardly recognizable.
Chris- Ah man, what happened last night? Where’s Lane?
Mark- Who?
Chris- You know that chick that brought us out here.
Mark- I couldn’t tell you man, I can’t hardly even remember what happened last week. What the hell did we do?
Chris- I dun…. Oh my god…
Mark- What?
Chris- Look at Jason.

The two of them walk over to their friend, he appears to be half dead, fortunately his body keeps rising as he apparently is still breathing.

Chris- Did we do that?
Mark- Well that definitely doesn’t look like my handwriting, how bout yours?
Chris- Nah, you can tell because I don’t dot my “I’s” with smiley faces and ribbon.
Mark- I don’t think that’s a smiley face with ribbon, I think those are skulls and cross bones.
Chris- What?!? Well what does it say?

Through uncertainty man has always fought to maintain the status quo, without it there’s very little comfort for humanity. If the balance were to switch then there would be panic and terror. It’s the unfortunate circumstance of our beautiful planet to have an animal as profane and grotesque as men in which to control it. They have no pure desire, only selfish motives, they have no care or respect for themselves nor for anyone else, and this is a fine testament to that. Overconsumption and overindulgence has always been a characteristic trait of this ignorant species, may this serve as a reminder for the rest of you.

Mark- What the hell could that mean?
Chris- I don’t know man, you’re the one who’s supposed to understand anthropology.